Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say "Not tonight, dear, I have a ____," but how many reasons can the two of you name for wanting to have s*x?
One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having s*x.
From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- today's reaon for having s*x differs from individual to individual. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of s*x motivation studies states that people are offering "far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times." And we're doing it more often too. This trend has deviated from its earlier motives, which is only three sexual motive: To make babies, to feel good, or because you're in love.
Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek s*x.
What's Your Motive?
Why do you seek s*x? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to psychologists at UT-Austin who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about their s*xual attitudes and experiences:
Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person
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Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge
Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, or gratitude
Insecurity reasons:
To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having s*x)
To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having s*x)
Some being stressed out, have s*x. Stress reduction is one of the leading reasons men, say they have s*x, Richard Caroll says. The review, published online in Sexuality & Culture, shows other most frequently cited reasons for having s*x include:
-Boosting mood and relieving depression
-Duty
-Enhancement of power
-Enhancement of self-concept
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-Feeling loved by your partner
-Fostering jealousy
-Improving reputation or social status
-Making money
-Making babies
-Need for affection
-Nurturance
-Partner novelty
-Peer pressure or pressure from partner
-Pleasure
-Reducing sex drive
-Revenge
-Sexual curiosity
-Showing love to your partner
-Spiritual transcendence
Understanding why people seek s*x is not always a simple task. Most studies have involved college undergraduates, a "sample of convenience" for university researchers but one that is often very limiting. Young men and women typically haven't been in very committed relationships and are in the process of discovering their sexuality. Their answers to "why do you have sex" are often greatly tied to the image of themselves and their social relationships, says Richard Carroll. This can change over time.
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But such knowledge can improve a couple's s*x life.
"Understanding these differences in motivations is very important. It helps us understand what's going on in the s*xual relationship and treat sexual disorders. Very often, you find the source of the problem can be traced to the particular motivation," Richard Carroll says.
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