HOW TO MEET PEOPLE


Sometimes people have lots of potential friends in their lives and they just need to do more to try to hang out with them and start a relationship. But the opposite is just as often a problem, when they don't have many friendship prospects around. In that case they have to meet some.

Below is a long list of my ideas of ways to meet new people. Once you've met some people, you can take the other steps required to possibly turn them into friends. It's all about being proactive.

Some more general points about being able to meet people

Before I get into the many places to meet people, here are some broader principles I've noticed:

Characteristics of good places to meet people

Some places to meet new friends are better than others. The more of the following that apply to one the better:

It's somewhere where the situation breaks the ice for people and naturally gives them reasons to talk to each other.
It allows you to reliably see the same people several times, so you have a chance to get comfortable with them and gradually get to know them. It's not that you have one five minute chance to make a good impression and then you may never see them again.
It allows you to meet people who are similar to you, in terms of your hobbies and values.
It's somewhere where there's a core of regulars, but there are also new people to meet continually entering the mix.
In the list below I've roughly arranged the points along these lines, with the easier ones towards the top.

You may have to force yourself out of your routine to meet people

Some people are a bit lonely because they've gotten into a daily pattern where they're either working, or they're hanging around at home pursuing solitary hobbies. That's fine, but if they want to meet some new friends they may have to shake up that pattern. They might need to add some more social hobbies to their repertoire, or push themselves to get out and do things in the evening when they'd normally be chilling out in their apartment.

You may have to try out a few ways to meet people before one works for you

I don't have any official stats for this, but I'd guess meeting people is one of those 80/20 things. You'll meet most of your new friends easily through a handful of avenues, while other ones won't really work for you at all. You may go to a few events and not really run into anyone you could get to know better. Or you'll find making friends there is technically doable, but logistically difficult and discouraging. Then you'll join one more club and instantly and effortlessly make a group of amazing friends. So don't get discouraged if your first few attempts don't seem to come to anything.

Lots of ways of meeting people aren't perfect

You can handicap yourself by looking for the ideal set of circumstances to meet people under. Sometimes you have to work with the so-so hand you've been dealt. For example, someone may attend swing dancing classes and feel there's not enough opportunity to get to know anyone, since new people are always coming and going, and there aren't a lot of chances to talk. The situation may just not be workable for them, like the point above was getting at. Or they may have success if they stretch a bit, say by inviting potential friends out anyway even if it is more of a low percentage play, or by coming earlier or staying later to create time to talk to people.

You've got to have some tolerance of uncertainty and rejection

If someone is minimally confident and sociable, they should eventually be able to meet some new friends, regardless of where they do it. On the other hand, if they're just too shy or insecure or awkward, then none of the avenues for meeting people will seem to work for them. If that's the case they should try to work on their other issues as well.

Places to meet people

Right before I get to the list, I'll mention that this article covers some ways you can find out about things that are going on in your city in the first place: How To Find Events And Clubs In Your Community

Through your friends, significant other, and other people you already know

This is obvious when you think about it, but I put this point first because it's way more helpful than chatting to strangers in the grocery store. When you meet someone you like you're also potentially meeting all their friends down the road. It's more of a longer term and indirect way to meet people, but keep it on your radar.

Meeting someone's friends is also a higher quality 'meet' compared to a total stranger. The ice is already broken. You have things in common (your mutual friend, if nothing else). They're probably going to be friendly and make an effort to chat to you. They're somewhat pre-screened for characteristics you like because they already know your friend. You're more likely to meet them more than once and have a chance to get to know them and see if you click.
Ideally you'll meet a person who has a ton of friends, is the center of his social circle, and is always inviting you to parties or throwing them themselves. Don't discount the lone wolf types though.
If you already have some friends you can make a conscious effort to meet their buddies. You could throw a party or organize an event with the invitation that they bring other people they know. You could ask your partner if they've got any friends you might hit it off with.
Also, having a friend with you can make it easier to approach other strangers. Two people approaching a group to talk is a little less intimidating than having one person having to go in all by themselves.
This general point can also work on a much smaller scale. Like you could start a conversation with a guy in a pub and two minutes later be introduced to his friends.
Work

Another standard option. People who are student-aged in particular often report being able to meet a lot of friends from part-time jobs in call centers, restaurants, or large stores. The other staff are generally in the same age group, and new people are constantly coming on board. If it's realistic for your circumstances you may even want to consider switching jobs, or getting another one on the side. For example, if you work a few shifts a week alone as a night security guard, maybe you could transfer somewhere with more social opportunities.

Volunteering

You could also volunteer somewhere. Like you could put in a few hours a week working with youths, or agree to help out at a one-off fund raising party and meet the other people there. It can be a good way to meet people who have similar values to you. I mean, not just anyone who signs up to help a particular organization for free.

Classes

There's classes in the sense of being a high school or university student, where of course you'll have a ton of chances to meet people. There's also the option of signing up for a class out of your own interest in cooking or drawing or whatnot. Personally, I think signing up for a class purely to meet people is a bit excessive, but if there's a topic you want to learn about anyway, than why not?

I think one small flaw with classes is that you spend a lot of time learning and focusing on the teacher and not necessarily being able to socialize with anyone. You're often restricted to before the instructor starts talking or afterward as everyone is filing out of the room.

You can break the ice with someone with the whole, "Let's exchange contact information in case one of us misses a day" thing. Talking about the course material or teacher also comes naturally.
If you get assigned to do group work with people then the class just did you a favor.
If you meet someone you like, it's probably better to become their class buddy and sit with them for the rest of the semester rather than seeing what's behind 'door number three'. You can get to know them well and hopefully become friends outside of class.
A club or organization

The appeal is obvious. You join up and you instantly know a group of people who share a similar interest to yours. You can also start your own club or informal meet up. For example, you could start up a book club and have the first meeting be at your house.

A sports team or league

Joining the team gets you admission to a group of people who you'll see for the next few months at least, with who you'll develop some camaraderie from playing together, and for who socializing after the game will naturally. Sports leagues also vary in how sport-focused and competitive they are. Some are all about playing and take it pretty seriously. Others are just a glorified excuse to go for drinks after the game is over. They may not even play a 'real' sport, instead going with something much more casual and friendly to non-athletes, like dodgeball or kickball.

Through your religion

If you're religious there are lots of opportunities for you to meet like-minded people. Besides from attending regular services at a church, temple, mosque or whatnot, and meeting people that way, there may also be lots of offshoot events, recreational activities, and clubs you can take part in (e.g., a religious study class, a group that organizes monthly charity events, the stereotypical bingo night). Different churches have different flavors to them based on their denomination, the types of people who attend and so on, and you may have to try a few out before you hit on one that has a community that you click with.

Through your kids

This one becomes more prominent if you've started a family. There are a lot of ways to meet people, mainly other parents, through your kids:

You can talk to other parents at the playground, or before and after daycare or school, or during Little League games.
You can get to know the parents of your children's friends.
You can get involved with organizations like a Parent-Teacher Association.
You can volunteer your time as a coach or scout leader, and get to know the other adults who are involved as well.
Your living situation

Anyone who's lived alone during their first year of college will tell you not to do it...

Living in a big dorm is your best bet, though you can't really do this once college is over. You'll meet a lot of your neighbors naturally, but you can also go out of your way to introduce yourself to people. Or just make sure to hang out in the common areas and chat to whoever shows up.
Joining a fraternity/sorority is even better, though it's not for everyone.
Living in a large building with lots of other people your age around is better than being in a small place with no one who's similar to you.
Having a roommate is a big boost to your social life. They'll bring their friends around too.
Even in smaller apartment buildings sometimes months can go by between running into a particular neighbor in the hall, but if you do see someone, chat to them and invite them to hang out if they seem alright. If they invite you to drop by their apartment one day, actually take them up on their offer.
If your living situation really sucks (e.g., you live alone in the middle of nowhere), moving might be something to consider.
Your family

I find this one tends to vary from family to family. Some people are close to their cousins, and hang out with them as they would with any other friend. In other families there's more an attitude of, "Ugh, why would I want to spend time with my dorky relatives?" The same thing applies to siblings. Some people get along with their close-in-age brothers or sisters quite well, and their social circles intermingle. For others, being buddy-buddy with their sibling is the last thing they'd want to do. If you're from the type of family that's open to hanging out with relatives or siblings, there may be some potential unexplored friendships there. Maybe you'll hit it off with all of your cousin's buddies?

A job where you get to be friendly with the public

The first ones that come to mind for me are nightlife job like bartender, bouncer, or DJ. The next thing that comes to mind is being a barista in a coffee shop. The idea is that the customers will tend to talk to you, or it's natural for you to chat to them during quiet periods. Any kind of customer service position can work really. The ideal situation is probably working at a store directly related to one of your hobbies, and where customers stick around for a while to speak to each other and the staff.

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